Thursday

Not One But Two Men Scale the New York Times Building

Alain Roberts climbs the New York Times building for global warming. (Image provided by the Associated Press)

This is the inaugural article from Swish News, we hope you enjoy it and all of our future articles.

Today was no day to be afraid of heights as two men free-climbed the New York Times building. The first climber was known as the French Spider Man (a.k.a. Alain Roberts) climbed up the building as apart of a stunt to raise awareness for global warming. He climbed the building without any authorization. Which ironically caused a ton of cars, civilian and police alike, to sit there watching him, while release tons of gases into the ozone… Smart move “Spidy”.

Onlookers were amazed and stunned as Mr. Roberts (you can see his website here) climbed the 52 story building without taking any safety precautions. This isn’t the first time he has done this, “in 1997, he climbed (without authorization) the world’s tallest skyscraper in Kuala Lumpur.” Alain Roberts has climbed over 70 different buildings around the world. His greatest success thus far has been his ascent of the National Bank of Abu Dhabi with over 100,000 spectators. Most of whom gathered to watch what seemed at the time to be his inevitable demise.

It is unknown whether Roberts was climbing the New York Times building as a way of protesting the buildings use of energy or to show that the New York Times building as an excellent example of conserving energy. Science Beat calls the New York Times building “energy-efficient”.

Only hours after Alain Roberts scaled the building today another man began the tremendous climb. This other man was a local New Yorker, who said he was climbing to raise awareness for malaria. Everyone seemed to be extremely surprised at the fact that there were not one, but two people stupid enough to make the treacherous climb up the Everest like building. I mean really, have you ever been to the top of the New York Times building? It is cold up there… no one has ever accused a New York Times reporter of being “warm and fuzzy” inside. More like, “cold hearted and blood thirsty”.

As a successful ending to their story, they were both arrested and taken straight to jail. However, they did pass “go” and they did collect their “two hundred dollars”. All of the details are not yet known.

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